When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
