spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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