Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
