listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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