Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
