I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
