He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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