Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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