my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I touched a dick in church today
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
