Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
