Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
