And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
