theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
