Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
