So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
