can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
