Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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