You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
