Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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