6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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