Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
