It's Friday. Sex?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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