Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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