so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
