I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
