your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I supernannyed him into submission
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
