All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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