Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
