Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
