its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
