Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
