and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
