i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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