But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
