I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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