i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
