i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
