Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
