i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
