My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
