im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
