My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There r osticjed everywhere
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
