i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
