I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
