can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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