I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
