my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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