I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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