Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
