Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
