As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
