Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
