The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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