I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
